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» Quotes by David Letterman »
A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually ...
A Mardi Gras riot happened in Philadelphia. The people were nuts, they...
And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a stro...
Charlton Heston admitted he had a drinking problem, and I said to myse...
Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a b...
Congratulations to Saddam Hussein on being elected to another seven-ye...
Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I...
Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you ...
Every day is President's Day when you have an intern!
Everyone has this sense of togetherness right now. For example, one gu...
Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they...
Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change c...
Nature
For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.
He's a ruthless dictator but he also thinks he's a playwright. Saddam ...
Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run f...
Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she ...
I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host...
I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the...
I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their...
Iraqi's minister of information did not show up for his press conferen...
It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At lea...
It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or d...
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, everybody loves them. But I thought this was i...
Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam ...
New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people ar...
New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead...
Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull t...
No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage o...
People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorker...
President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't ...
President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to ...
President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the h...
Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really w...
The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, the...
The Security and Exchanges Commission is going to be investigating Vic...
The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eig...
The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You k...
The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that the...
There is no off position on the genius switch.
There's no business like show business, but there are several business...
Today is a big day in TV history. On this day forty-one years ago, the...
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of ev...
We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is our...
We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is workin...
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transiti...
Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that ...
Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban...
Yesterday the Iraqis and U.S. troops pulled down a giant statue of Sad...