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'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.  
A full-grown manatee, which can weigh more than 1,000 pounds, looks li...  
A gene can be either dominant or recessive, depending on which type of...  
Admit it, sport-utility-vehicle owners! It's shaped a little different...  
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protest...  
American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective emplo...  
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not...  
And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were look...  
Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but t...  
As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Drac...  
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles pe...  
Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a wea...  
Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, w...  
Bill Gates is a very rich man today .. and do you want to know why? Th...  
Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more c...  
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.  
Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGA...  
Congress shall also create a tax code weighing more than the combined ...  
Congress, after years of stalling, finally got around to clearing the ...  
Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no ...  
DNA is an abbreviation for deoxyribonucleicantidisestablishmentarianis...  
Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.  
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up...  
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less fill...  
Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles f...  
Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs...  
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is dis...  
For many years the National Pretend Speed Limit was fifty-five miles p...  
For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hittin...  
Genes are little items that are found in every living thing except Sen...  
Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly ...  
Grammatically, should of is a predatory admonition; as such, it is alw...  
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents...  
Harvard University, according to the directory of the American Society...  
Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earn...  
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobb...  
I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I ...  
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose ...  
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argum...  
I believe many Harley guys spend more time revving their engines than ...  
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educat...  
I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,inc...  
I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Span...  
I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed ar...  
I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I ...  
I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every ...  
I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people...  
I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he...  
I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go throu...  
I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated,...  
I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not f...  
I've gained a few pounds around the middle. The only lower-body garmen...  
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an inf...  
If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he w...  
If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human ra...  
If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.  
If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd f...  
If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment sugge...  
In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high ...  
In fact, just about all the major natural attractions you find in the ...  
In Spain, attempting to obtain a chicken salad sandwich, you wind up w...  
In those days, most people read newspapers, whereas today, most people...  
It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, a...  
It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask ...  
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if ...   Funny
It is a well-known fact that although the public is fine when taken in...  
It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are...  
Karate is a form of marital arts in which people who have had years an...  
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.  
Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am n...  
Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with t...  
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that ...  
Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corpora...  
MEGAHERTZ: This is a really, really big hertz.  
Miami does not have a visitor-friendly airport. At Miami International...  
More and more products are coming out in fiercely protective packaging...  
Mother Nature clearly intended for us to get our food from the "patty"...  
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as...  
My son does not appreciate classical musicians such as the Stones; he ...  
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish ...  
Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relations...  
Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good ...  
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.  
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxyg...  
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time tha...  
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never w...  
Puns are little plays on words that a certain breed of person loves to...  
Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts...  
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off d...  
Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elme...  
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.   Sports
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do no...  
Software is usually accompanied by DOCUMENTATION in the form of big fa...  
Software: These programs give instruction to the CPU, which processes ...  
Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangemen...  
Speaking of music: We also had our consciousness raised several feet b...  
Stuffwise we are not a lean operation. We're the kind of people who, i...  
Talking about golf is always boring. (Playing golf can be interesting,...  
Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it sup...  
Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of wo...  
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonst...  
The difference between men and women is that, if given the choice betw...  
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and v...   Funny
The greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison... Ediso...  
The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological ...  
The Internet "browser"... is the piece of software that puts a message...  
The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed...  
The Internet is the most important single development in the history o...  
The Internet: Transforming Society and Shaping the Future Through Chat  
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through str...  
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums...  
The members took turns lighting sparklers and signing their John Hanco...  
The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.  
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featurel...  
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumbe...  
The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting dire...  
The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they...  
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of of...  
The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is...  
The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale ...  
The reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose," wh...  
The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when t...  
The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roma...  
The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic...  
The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.  
The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the...  
There are two kinds of solar-heat systems: "passive" systems collect t...  
There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged ...  
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive pro...  
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless y...  
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than...  
To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a lo...  
UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 ...  
Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot...  
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps...  
We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolli...  
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely ...  
We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we...  
We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we comp...  
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we fe...  
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.  
What I want to know is: Why is it important to have visible stomach mu...  
What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an...  
While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotti...  
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is ...  
You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exa...  
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old pers...