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A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.  
A fool and his money are soon elected.  
A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods wh...  
About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with...  
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't ...  
Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that wa...  
All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for ...  
America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting som...  
America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I wi...  
An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.   Business
An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found ou...  
An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that c...  
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to hap...   Government
And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take...  
Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only ge...  
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.  
Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.  
Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.  
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock...   Politics
Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for ...  
Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold i...   Business
Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.  
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just si...  
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit...  
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.  
Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously an...  
Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.  
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we...  
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.  
I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him ...  
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.   Politics
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like g...  
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the ...  
I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only o...  
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!   Politics
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out ...  
If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their produ...  
If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny...  
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"  
If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Cou...  
If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything c...  
If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable.   Business
If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.  
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a y...  
In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but ev...  
In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in...  
Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don...  
It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government workin...  
It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.   Business
It's one of the most progressive cities in the world. Shooting is only...  
Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product...  
Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.  
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot t...  
Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer.  
Never let yesterday use up too much of today.  
Nothing you can't spell will ever work.  
Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taf...   Government
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only...  
One Ad is worth more to a paper than forty Editorials.  
One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other ...  
Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.  
Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to ...  
Politics is applesauce.  
Prohibition is better than no liquor at all.  
So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the ...  
Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.  
The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can s...  
The best way out of a difficulty is through it.  
The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular fellow...  
The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.  
The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he...  
The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That'...   Education
The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each ...  
The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to ad...  
The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applau...   Movies
The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.  
The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.  
The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.  
There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail.  
There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the ...   Education
There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on se...   Politics
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole governmen...  
Things ain't what they used to be and never were.  
Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.  
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as ...   Government
This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when...  
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.  
We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and ap...  
We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and th...  
What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.  
When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he...  
When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I...  
Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody fro...  
You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you...  
You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the frui...