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Carpe per diem - seize the check.   Business
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.  
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?  
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.  
Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"   Nature
The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, "W...  
The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of L...  
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the ...  
We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like '...  
When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a...  
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.