What Quote » Comedian Quotes » Quotes by Robert Benchley »

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importan...  
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three t...  
An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared ...  
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's suppo...  
As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I...  
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.  
Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stre...  
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.  
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begi...  
Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling jus...  
For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, b...  
I can't seem to bring myself to say, "Well, I guess I'll be toddling a...  
I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.  
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and...  
I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.  
If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him...  
In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with chi...  
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but ...  
Most of the arguments to which I am a party fall somewhat short of bei...  
Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.  
The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for chan...  
The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or pe...  
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.  
Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?