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An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall.   Life
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.   Life
Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.   Life
I am no more humble than my talents require.   Life
I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good.   Life
I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything ...   Life
I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.   Life
I have no trouble with y enemies. But my god damn friends... they are ...   Life
I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.   Life
I'm a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy.   Art
I've given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself.   Life
Once Dwight Eisenhower makes up his mind, he's full of indecision.   Life
Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.   Life
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.   Life
So little time and so little to do.   Life
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you will find the real ti...   Life
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tins...   Art
The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that ...   Politics
There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.   Life
There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this l...   Life
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this li...   Life
Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.   Life
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few ...   Life