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An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall.  
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.  
Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.  
I am no more humble than my talents require.  
I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good.  
I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything ...  
I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.  
I have no trouble with y enemies. But my god damn friends... they are ...  
I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.  
I'm a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy.   Art
I've given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself.  
Once Dwight Eisenhower makes up his mind, he's full of indecision.  
Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.  
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.  
So little time and so little to do.  
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you will find the real ti...  
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tins...   Art
The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that ...   Politics
There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.  
There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this l...  
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this li...  
Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.  
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few ...