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A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.   Life
Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right ...   Life
I always wake up at the crack of ice.   Life
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.   Life
I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me...   Life
I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.   Life
I drink to forget I drink.   Life
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.   Sports
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me p...   Life
I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.   Life
I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chas...   Life
I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would ha...   Life
It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got...   Life
It pays to get drunk with the best people.   Life
Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.   Life
Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who...   Life
Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.   Life
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.   Life
There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.   Life
They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomac...   Life
Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thi...   Life
You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.   Life