What Quote » Journalist Quotes » Quotes by Erma Bombeck »

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.   Life
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet...   Life
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend-and he's a priest.   Life
All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking chil...   Life
Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declare...   Life
Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying...   Life
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. I...   Life
Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile tha...   Life
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel ne...   Life
Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, ea...   Life
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the o...   Success
Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.   Dreams
Education is so important when it comes to domesticity. I don't know w...   Life
Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions th...   Life
For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marr...   Life
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into tem...   Life
Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. ...   Life
God created man, but I could do better.   Life
Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents...   Life
Great dreams... never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon am...   Art
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.   Life
Have you any idea how many kids it takes to turn off one light in the ...   Life
House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too lon...   Life
Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at t...   Life
Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.   Life
How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?   Life
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. ...   Life
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.   Life
I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind ...   Life
I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignit...   Life
I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer...   Life
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs dur...   Life
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing h...   Life
I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after pi...   Life
I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother s...   Life
I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too...   Life
I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European...   Life
I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, "Never mind! I'll d...   Life
I'm trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted...   Life
I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book I dislike just becau...   Life
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their...   Life
I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the ...   Life
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared ...   Life
If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.   Life
In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in te...   Life
In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging fr...   Life
It goes without saying that you should never have more children than y...   Life
It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food y...   Life
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to...   Life
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.   Dreams
Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, "No, thank you,...   Life
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to...   Life
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the ...   Life
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live...   Life
Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.   Life
Mother's words of wisdom: "Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mou...   Life
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out...   Life
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting ...   Life
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch ...   Life
Myths that need clarification: "Everyone in California lives on a whit...   Life
Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the G...   Life
Never accept a drink from a urologist.   Life
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.   Life
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that ...   Life
Never have more children than you have car windows.   Life
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.   Life
Never order food in excess of your body weight.   Life
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers ...   Life
No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of...   Life
On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keepi...   Life
Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never th...   Life
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest...   Life
Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.   Life
People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband o...   Life
Phrases and their actual meanings: "My teacher has never liked me." Ex...   Life
Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.   Life
Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a ...   Life
Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human ...   Life
Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back...   Life
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed...   Sports
The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served...   Life
The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effe...   Nature
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy ...   Life
There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, "Yes, I...   Life
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and trag...   Life
There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradis...   Life
There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is t...   Life
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning a...   Life
There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup w...   Life
What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you aske...   Life
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says ...   Life
When humor goes, there goes civilization.   Humor
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I wou...   Life
When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty "just adding wa...   Life
When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere f...   Life
Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be wh...   Life
Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-...   Life
You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, l...   Life
You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Famili...   Nature
Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary ...   Life